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big mess Wednesday, June 16, 2010 I woke up about an hour ago having slept no more than 3 hours. The night before it was little over 2. How can you go to school without the energy to do anything, let alone stay awake? I made the decision to stay in bed, but the guilt got me tossing & turning. I send 3 texts to twitter & tried to go back to sleep. Finally I'm up. I decided to stay at home all day. Everything really feels like it's black & white. Going to school is good. Finishing my math book in time for the end of the year is good. Getting the right amount of sleep is good. Waking up & getting out of bed on time is good too. Staying focused on what's important is not only good, it's necessary. Feeling sick when I'm not sick is bad. Hardly sleeping anymore is bad. Ditching school is bad. Sitting here writing this post while I should be sitting on a bus is bad. Sitting in class with a pencil, paper, a calculator & a math book is good, but sitting there doing nothing is bad. Being distracted more than half the time is bad. Going to school just to see him, that's not just bad, it's very bad, and goes against my priorities. In the end, I'm bad. I'm ashamed. It's safe to say I've lost control over pretty much everything right now, more importantly, my goals for the last week of school. In all sincerity I really did try. Just a few months ago school was easy, and I was very good at it. Finishing my books quickly & efficiently was the most important thing in the world to me. Now that something else is fighting for priority in my head, it's not only extremely difficult to concentrate on anything, but practically impossible. I can't control my sleep & I can't keep my thoughts from drifting away from my page all the time. I tried but I can't fucking control it. Now I guess what's left to do is go to that french tomorrow afternoon. I'll have to tell my math teacher I can't finish the book. On the bright side, I can still complete it this summer and take the exam as soon as I get back. And I can finish my history book too, the one I hardly started. I can still move forward, but right now I'm completely immobile. Geez. I'm gonna miss you. 0 Comments: Post a Comment

name: Tiffany date of birth: May 28 1992 languages: French & English About me: I'm a friendly but somewhat reserved person with a passion for creativity, for things like books, paintings, objects, clothing, scenery, music, photography, movies, and so on. I like people who are true and open minded. About this blog: I blog because I like it. I think it's a funner and truer way for people to get to know eachother than Facebook. This is my space. music: Radiohead, Thom Yorke, Imogen Heap, The Sounds, Tegan and Sara, Blue Foundation, The Sounds, Metric, Feist, The Beatles (+ Across the Universe soundtrack), Olivia Lufkin, Crystal Castles, Zero 7, piano music movies: A.I. Artificial Intelligence*, 1408*, Sleuth*, What Dreams May Come, Vanilla Sky, The Chinese botanist's daughters, Twilight, Garden State, Alfie, Across the Universe, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Girl Interrupted*, V for Vendetta, The Pianist*, Coraline* TV shows: Fringe, The X-Files, House, The L Word, Death Note, Honey & Clover, 1 Litre of Tears books: A Million Little Pieces, the Uglies series (the first 3 only), everything by Amélie Nothomb

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